What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
