I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
