i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
