Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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