she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
