She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
