So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
