Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
