Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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