And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
