it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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