Apparently you make a good broom.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
