You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
