I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
