He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
