Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
