ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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