He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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