He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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