i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Welp...herpes.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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