Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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