i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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