I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
