Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
