Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
