Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
