Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
