I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
