nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
