she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
