I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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