I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
