I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
