I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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