$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
