Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this will be a night to untag.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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