Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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