I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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