I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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