We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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