We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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