I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
