Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
