You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Pants are for mortals
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
