seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
