What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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