I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
