You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
