Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
