Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
