I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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